Wednesday, December 31, 2014

Goodbye and hello

Akulah manusia yang paling malas pasang azam. Pasang angan. Pasang cita2. Mungkin ada yang rasa 'bleghh perempuan ni bosan gila'. Well, setiap hari aku pasang satu cabaran untuk diri aku laksanakan. 'Hari ini aku nak solat awal waktu!' 'Hari ini aku nak iron baju' 'hari ini aku taknak membazir' and the list goes on. 
Jadi azam tahun baru tu tak berapa kena dengan jiwa aku. 
Kalau ada yang tertanya apa azam aku untuk 2015. Aku rasa, satu yang paling aku nak genggam, adalah mati dalam keadaan tuhan terima amal ibadah aku. (Jika waktunya dah tiba) 

2014, tahun yang mana Tuhan tarik sedikit kawan dan ganti dengan yang baru. Tipu kalau kata tak teringat. Tapi aku percaya Tuhan itu lebih tahu apa yang baik untuk kau. Walaupun kau tak nampak lagi apa sinar cahaya daripada apa yang jadi itu.

2014, tahun yang mana aku belajar jadi dewasa. Selama ini pun aku memang matang dah cuma aku seronok sembunyi dalam perangai keanak-anakan aku. Tahun ini tidak. Well, masih ada perangai budak yang aku rasa biarlah aku simpan sebab eleh kalau serius sangat pun nak pergi mana kan? 

2014, aku boleh kendalikan mesin empat tayar ( duh, keretalah apa lagi!) tahun lepas menggigil kalau pegang stereng tahun ini siap boleh drift lagi. Satu pencapaian I guess. 

2014 ni aku sempat pergi bercuti dengan kawan baik aku. Percutian impromtu yang memang tak ada dalam list. Aku rasa itu antara kenangan indah untuk aku tahun ini. Oh ya, masa birthday aku, turns out yang tahun ini tarikh 7disember itu tak adalah celaka macam banyak tahun sebelumnya. Alhamdulillah. 

2014 kawan baik ditimpa bencana yang hendaknya beri hikmah besar buat diri dia. Semoga dia jadi wanita gagah yang tak hanya reti mengeluh. Buat masa ini aku hanya mampu bantu daripada jauh. Cuma aku harap selepas ini dipermudahkan jalan untuk aku bantu dan terus bantu dia sehingga lengkap kembali semuanya. Semoga dikukuhkan persahabatan kami sehingga ke hujung nyawa. Tak ramai kawan yang aku rasa boleh layan bullshit aku. Tahniah dan terima kasih banyak banyak aku ucapkan pada seorang minah ini. 

2014, aku dah habis idea nak merepek apa. Tapi nak post before 2014 berakhir. 

2015, semoga dipermudahkan segala urusan kita tahun hadapan. Aku harap aku mampu jadi insan,anak, kakak, sahabat yang lebih baik. Aku harap tak ada yang bersedih atau kecil hati sebab aku. Dan kalau ada, aku mohon maaf seribu kali. 

InshaAllah. Semoga dipermudahkan Tuhan. Adios. 

Sunday, December 7, 2014

December 7th

Selamat hari lahir yang ke25 Aliaa Aaina Izyan Hasan. Syukur pada tuhan masih beri peluang kau hirup udara tanpa perlu mesin sokongan. 

Alhamdulillah. 


7 Disember. Kalau punya rezeki dan kesempatan. Kita jumpa tahun depan. Insha-Allah

Friday, December 5, 2014

mehh

Assalamualaikum.

Listening to Coldplay while updating this blog. Its been a while I guess. I wanted to write but I dont have any idea on what I should be babbling about. Its December. My favourite month of the year. December brings so much butterflies to my stomach. Not that something special would happen but thats just how December feels to me.

theres a difference between a 'good friend' and a 'best friend' okay. ada beza! tetiba sangat kan. tapi lantak lah. lol

oh, its Irni final day here. She got new job somewhere else. she gave me something just now which brought tears to my eyes. she is a very lovely girl who constantly reminds me to be nice without being annoying. I am so thankful God sends me these kind of people in my life.

and yah, Ansari said she had a new blog but she wouldnt let me know the url to her blog. That women is getting married to Azrul this coming 12/12/14. Idk why she wouldnt just get married on my birthday. senang sikit nak ingat my birthday mehhhhh. she said she read this blog time to time. so, hello ansari! *waves hand*

last but not least, Happy sangat dua tiga hari ini. aku takut pulak bakal nangis terbelalak. wait, is there such word as terbelalak? lantak sana.

Happy Friday everyone.


Wednesday, November 19, 2014

---

Assalamualaikum. 

Kalau ada orang yang terkejut dengan berubahnya kamu ke arah yang entah kemana mana hala tujunya. Itu adalah aku. 

Allahuakhbar. 

Aku kenal kau siapa. Well, I used too. Mungkin sakit kau rasa buat kau jadi lagi kejam daripada... Entahlah. 

Tak mengapalah bro. Hiduplah. Senyumlah. Gembiralah kau sana. Tinggallah apa sahaja yang buat kau sakit dibelakang. Jangan pandang lagi. Jangan kenang langsung lagi. 

Aku doakan kau tabah. Semoga sepuluh tahun daripada sekarang, kita semua mampu kenang hari ini dan ketawa atas bodohnya emosi kanak-kanak kita. 

Semoga. 

Saturday, October 25, 2014

Sebab musabab

Assalamualaikum. 

Blog. Why blogging? That is so two thousand seven whateversss. 

Because i still need someplace where i could pour all my thoughts. A place where i could keep my shits. 

Its a diary. I may want to read it years from now. 

Pss. Baca blog kawan yang lama dia tak update. Gelak guling guling sampai kejang pipi. 

Tuesday, October 14, 2014

tak sangka

Ada lagi orang baca blog ni rupanya.





yang kuat sibuk pulak tu.






HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA bye.

Wednesday, October 1, 2014

satu.

Assalamualaikum.

pejam celik pejam balik celik balik semula pejam bila celik rasa nak pejam selama sehari sebab malas melampau, sudah setahun aku di sini!





p/s: gambar dalam header (walapun hanya nampak bayang) adalah baju yang aku pakai pada hari pertama masuk kerja. so sweet. Kah!

Monday, September 1, 2014

Gadis

'You, i ada masalah. Jom teman i g minum'

Ringkas bunyi sms yang masuk. Dan aku masih merenung siling, kipas, dan habuk yang entah berapa lama aku tak kemas. Apa patut aku jawab aku pun tak tahu. Dia, ya memang aku sangat sukakan dia tapi aku dah serik melacur masa. Akhirnya dia hanya pandang lelaki tak guna tu jugak. Arghhh! Bukannya hensem mana pun! Mungkin sebab keluarga lelaki tu kaya sedang aku. Aku bukan siapa siapa. 

'Masalah dia lagi?' Ringkas aku balas sms itu. 

' you, I taktahu kat mana I buat silap. I dah cuba jadi yang terbaik....'

Dan sms yang sepanjang satu perenggan isi karangan bahasa melayu itu aku baca. Setiap isinya. Aku masih setia baca. 

'Sorry, I ada kerja sikit petang ni. Nanti malam kalau sempat I jumpa you okay. In the mean time, jaga diri baik2'

I need to finish this. 

Few hours later.. 

'I dah settle kerja. Still wanna hang out with me?'  Butang send ditekan. 

'I just received a message from him saying that he's sorry. But fuck him. Jom kita pegi minum!' Balasan yang diterima 

'Haha really? Dia menyesal dah kut. Alright, i'll pick you up in an hour okay?' Send. 

'Okay! I lapar gila we go eat at your fav kedai okay. I rindu nak makan situ!' Dia balas ceria. Ceh, ceria sebab that fucker hantar mesej sorry. Ingat aku tak tahu. 

'Sure, anything for you.' Aku balas. Ringkas. 

Telefon milik lelaki jahanam itu aku hempas. Aku pijak sampai hancur. Sama seperti aku pijak muka dia sejam yang lalu. 

Ceh. Baju penuh darah ni kena ganti. Takkan aku nak keluar dengan gadis pujaan dengan keadaan macam ni. 

Well sayang, lepas ni tak ada lagi lelaki yang bakal buat kau sakit hati. Oh wait, kalau ada yang kau jumpa selain aku mungkin pengakhiran dia sama macam mamat kaya ni. Seronok jugak gantung orang dekat kipas lepas aku hancurkan segala aset berharga dia ada. 

Atau mungkin. Kalau kau masih tak nampak aku, kau saja yang aku gantung di situ. Hehe. 















Sunday, August 17, 2014

Hi home!

Assalamualaikum.

  There you go. A picture of my feet flying in the air as I practice kung fu over the weekend. Ok tipu. Thats when i played swings at opah chu's. 

We went back to perak yesterday to clean up the house. I dont have any picture of that sebab bila no coverage you kinda forget that you have an iPhone.   Magic. Right? 

And we just arrived home kejap tadi and i am so tirereredddd. Tomorrow will be busy. The day after that will be busy. Until Im done with the dateline. 

I had something in mind but I am so lazy to tell. Alright now, bye. ZzzzZzzZz

Wednesday, August 13, 2014

Pemalas nak mampus

Assalamualaikum. 


Yeap. The title must have explained what state Im in right now. Idk why i am feeling so shitty these past few days (no, I am not waiting for my red aunty). 

I wanted to write but I am too lazy to switch on my laptop and shit I dont even have the mood when I am in the office.

I downloaded the apps for blogging in my phone and dekya was like 'woaahh canggihnya hapdate blog guna phone'

Shut up dekya. I might kill you. 

See? I so crazy right mow. Might as well slap my own face. Gednite! 

Tuesday, July 15, 2014

babah-daughter conversation

Assalamualaikum

A= Aina
B= Babah


scene one.

A= babah balik cepat ke lambat?
B= lambat.
A= ok macam mana nak masak ayam blackpaper?
B= blablablablablabla *5 mins worth of time*
A= beres.

and he ate a lot that day yipee yayy

Scene two.

A= haa balik lambat lagi ke?
B= dalam kul 7 cmtu kot
A= haa ok, macam mana nak masak gulai ayam?
B= ok, amek ni blablablablablabla *same 5 mins worth of time*
A= Wonggah!


haha. so lame right. I know. but that is what I've been doing since Ramadhan starts. I have to cook since mom and dad are working and I am the one with flexible working hours (my sis didnt work but since she doesnt know how to cook -__-'' )

doakan berjaya tulis lagi dua story sebelum rabu. (sebab satu ada orang dah volunteer nak buatkan. kahkah! *lompat bintang*) durrr. rabu tu esoklah. sedar ke tak? bye

Monday, June 30, 2014

mehhhh

Assalamualaikum.

I am forcing my head to think of one plot of short stories. preferably Malay. I want to write a sequel of 'jantung hati'. but yeah, brain do whats brain wants to do. jenuh termenung pun tak dapat idea so.. I changed the header! *nada excited sambil terjerit kecil*

andddd just so you know. I planned for this entry to be posted yesterday but my laptop decides to sleep suddenly (terpadam tanpa sebab yang kukuh such a tutttt this laptop I tell you) and I am too malas to restart it. mhmm yeah.

anyhoots, Happy Ramadhan Kareem to those who maybe come across this entry. Pray and do good deeds as much as you can. We never know if we still going to have the chance to meet this month next year. May Allah bless us all and answers all of our prayers. Ameen!

Saturday, June 14, 2014

setiap kali

Assalamualaikum.


Setiap kali aku mintak petunjuk. Mesti KAU akan bagi dalam cara yang paling aku tak boleh nak sangka sekali. Terima kasih Ya Allah sebab tak biarkan aku sendirian berfikir. Terima kasih untuk setiap satu petunjuk yang KAU datangkan dalam pelbagai bentuk.


Such a blessing to be a Muslim. We always have a place to come home to. Syukur Ya Rabb.

Friday, June 13, 2014

15 days to Ramadhan

Assalamualaikum.

If anyone would want to know or wondering. No, I am not a good girl. I have a filthy heart.
But Allah knows how much effort I've been putting to clean it. Old habits die hard. we can change in the blink of eye but to keep istiqamah is another story. another chapter. perhaps another book. that is yet to be written.

this is the night of the new chapter. I dont know if I did good or bad for the last chapter that has just been closed.

I am only human. I made a lot of mistakes. Sometimes I learned from it, but most of the time I dont. Please forgive me if I have ever hurt you in any way.

May Allah leads us to the better. Towards HIM. May Allah bestowed HIS blessing upon us. May we get the chance to taste the sweetness of Ramadhan Kareem. InshaAllah

p/s: I realize I am so emotional and sensitive towards things nowadays. When I think about it, sheee I get scared sometimes.

Monday, June 9, 2014

falls

Assalamualaikum.

Stress is really a small word to be compare to what I am feeling right now. What do we call the stage after stress? is it stghesssnakmampusshabakhangg? no? nevermind, lets just use the word.

So whats up? heard and witness a few of my fellow friends starting over. beginning their new phase of life. writing on the new clean sheet of white pages. Good for them. :)

As for me, I am still trying so hard to juggle works and ideas so that it will come to me when I needed it (read: now) but you know how hard brain could be sometimes. They just dont listen.

I tried to quit coffee too. Yah I know, one of the greatest pleasure in the world. Coffee is good but apparently nescafe are not. and the easiest coffee to buy every morning is of course canned Nescafe.

And I ended up spending the rest of the day browsing through the net and trying so hard not to think about coffee.


so.tempting.this.coffee. thats it. coffee is haunted. seriously guys. anyone with me? yes?

Wednesday, May 28, 2014

why

Assalamualaikum.


I don't talk much about some thing sometimes because it bug me too much to even think about it let alone to talk about it to others. So please, let me be. Just freaking let me be!



Dekya is coming back from PLKN tomorrow. yes. the gang is back in the house *sips coffee like a gangster*

Sunday, May 25, 2014

cerita rindu

Assalamualaikum.

Bukan senang nak curah rasa sedih. Rasa rindu.

Semalam setelah entah berapa-puluh-bulan tak jejak ke Perak, aku datang sekali lagi. Masuk ke kawasan rumah arwah Atuk & Opah disambut dengan lalang yang tinggi sudah sama macam budak umur 7 tahun. Setakat nak rakam video klip lagu, tak payah pergi jauh. Boleh sangat dah kat situ.

Arwah Opah dulunya suka bunga. Habislah segala pasu ditanam dengan macam-macam jenis bunga. Lepas dah berjaya meredah semak, masuk kawasan rumah nampak bunga dalam pasu mekar indah. walaupun tak ada lagi Opah yang selalu siram, letak baja, cakap dengan bunga. Maybe it was me who overreact over things. But I nearly cried. 


this is where she would sits when we come back to kampung. She tell stories and stuff

 Masa dulu, aku tak faham sangat Opah cakap apa as she speaks very thick Perak accents. Jadinya kalau dulu dia nak borak tu aku tak layan sangat. I was a kid. really. I dont remember much stuff about her. tapi aku tahu dia masak kari ikan sangat sedap. Im a bit choosy when it comes to food especially if it involved fish dish. But I ate her kari ikan. sedap.

She died when I was 17. 4 hari lagi nak raya. I sat with my late atok, pegang tangan dia, menempek dekat bahu dia. I knew he missed her. I knew he was sad.

Atok boleh cakap KL. I mean his dialects not that pekat. So I often speaks to him. listened to him. Gosh, I missed him.

Dan pada masa tu, dia tengah pegang seplastik beg yang penuh dengan batu putih. yang biasanya orang letak di kubur. Dia ambil seketul-seketul batu tu, sambil mulut dia terkumat kamit. 

I asked him. "Atok buat apa tuuu.." sambil menempek sebelah dia.

" Atok nak baca fatihah dengan 3 Qul dekat batu ni. nanti boleh letak kat kubur Opah."

well, aku taktahu lah apa signifikan dia buat macam tu.atau apa kebaikkannya daripada sudut Islam. dia tetap gigih bacakan ayat-ayat suci pada batu itu. setiap ketul dalam plastik tu. tak ada yang tertinggal. HE LOVED HER VERY MUCH. this is the real romeo and juliet. this is it. 

dan empat tahun selepas Opah pergi. Atok susun langkah ikut sekali. dua minggu sebelum atok pergi, I met him and he said. "Atok ni dah nak mati."  That was the last word he ever spoke to me. 


I cant help it but cry when we visited his grave. Rasa macam baru semalam Ena hantar atok ke sini. rasa macam baru semalam Ena menangis sebab orang surau mula-mula taknak buka keranda bagi Ena cium atok. sebab Ena tak sempat jumpa atok. Ena rush daripada UPM ke Perak.

Rasa macam baru semalam Ena cium atok untuk kali yang paling akhir.

Rasa macam baru semalam Ena redah kawasan perkuburan dalam gelap malam dan hujan renyai untuk hantar atok ke tempat persemadian terakhir. 

God knows how much Ive missed you guys. So very much. If only you could hear me. Al-fatihah. 
 



 





 

Monday, May 19, 2014

bebelan panjang sebelum dateline.

Assalamualaikum.

I hate to think that I've been used by the people who I thought were my friends. I always console myself and tell my heart. No. They are not using you. You cared. You want to help. So stop whining. Stop being a bitch. But I cant help myself to notice how stupid I am to be used each and everytime they had problem. And nobody really cares when I was the one who is in need of help. (except of some. very very few)

And yes. how things have changed towards time. Who would have known that you'll eventually talk to someone you once hate. and vice versa. but now things are more clear than it used to be. I know where I stand. and God I wouldnt want to hold any grudges towards anyone anymore.

I saw a men trying so hard to prove to all that he had moved on. but the look at his face denies everything. No. You dont look happy. You dont seem happy. You are lying to yourself. I know. but you knew better.

Its crazy all the things we did just to convince other people how happy we were. If its true then no one need any explanation. Who are you trying to impress?

Anyhoots, Allah knows better. HE knew whats best for each one of us. and everything that happen must have a reason behind it. I wish the very best to you. I really do.

Last but not least. Helluuwww dateline. crazayhhh week I tell you. *nangis depan pc*

Thursday, May 8, 2014

writers.


Assalamualaikum.





My most favourite quote so far. I need to find this lady's book. I really really reaaaallly want it. But for now, lets just settle down with 6 novels that I just bought. Not to mention other books on the shelf that look at me and scream 'REAADDDD MEE' everytime I entered my room. Just to make me feel bad ey? Nice try books. Nice try. Its hard to juggle with books and assignments when you're working as a writer you know. (alasan)  If only I have one whole year to just sit back, relax and read those novels. (alasan lagi) wuuu syoknya hidup reti bagi alasan je. hmmph!


Read horror stories before bedtime yesterday and I had a series of nighmare about ghost. Writers are fulls of imaginations. and craps. I end up waking up feeling so very tired. cehh.  

Monday, May 5, 2014

the least favourite daughter

Assalamualaikum.


Growing up as the first daughter, I always need to be 'the one'. I dont know how thing works in other families, but in mine, I need to be the one who never cried over small things ( I did anyway). The one who needs to be clever all the time (which I don't). The one who held responsible of whatever my younger siblings did. The one to be the 'role model' to the younger.The one who needs to cleans up the mess in the house. the one who need to fold all the clothes and put them on the owners cupboard. The one who ironed all baju kurung/tudung/baju Melayu when it comes to Raya. the one who washed the dishes. the one who need to be less selfish and put the family first before herself.The one. And mind you I am not the first child in the family. its just that my big brother screwed up so much that I have to be the black sheep. to cover all of his shits. Its like I am an experimental material. They be like 'oh things din work out like this with the big brother so we need to pushed this girl to the limit she wont even feel like human ever again.'

Still. I am the least favourite daughter who never once make him proud. Never.










Wednesday, April 30, 2014

and so today..

Assalamualaikum.

Lima hari cuti. you know. lima. five. five is fun. Anyhoots, took Nenek, Mak, my mom and little sis out today. I dont want to talk about that rude man I met at JPN. That is definitely not the highlight of my day. But on the bright side I have made my mom, Mak and nenek happy! went shopping right afterwards (my wallet is crying now. T.T) bought lunch for all of them. Oh yes, finally I have time to send Izz her parcel. I hope she likes it! (as if she cares) Izz is a baby anyway. She wouldnt even care if you put her on pink shirts and yellow striking pants. all she ever want is milk. you know how they works. babies. babies are gangster like that.


Izz is a fat plum chubby cutie pie gangster. The name makes me shiver. So gangster la you Izz! give aunty a fistbumps! 

Sunday, April 20, 2014

borak kosong

Assalamualaikum.

Theres this one guy who I have known only in virtual space. He's married so stop whatever assumptions you have in your mind right now. thing is, I can relate to his song choices. Eventhough I have never listened to them before in my life. So, like a freaking stalker, I will scroll down his facebook wall to see if there is any 'new' songs that he shares. crazy.
 

Going to send babysis back to her plkn camp in a bit. And my life would be boring again. Busy week aheads.


Thursday, April 10, 2014

go



I don't like being alone but I have gotten used to it. 

Friday, March 28, 2014

AinYeop

In the end, everything will be okay. If its not okay, then it is not the end.

        Bodoh. Mungkin itu kata-kata semua orang (dalam hati mahupun belakang aku) bila mereka tahu aku sedang bodoh menunggu. Bukan sebulan dua. Makan tahun. Setiap hari aku makan hati. Hati lembu, hati ayam, hati nyamuk pun kalau boleh makan aku telan. paling sakit bila aku kunyah hati sendiri. setiap hari. tapi tak mampu telan jadi aku luah semula.
        Penantian satu penyiksaan. siapa tak percaya mari jumpa aku. mari aku beritahu sakitnya setiap detik memandang orang yang kau paling ingin dalam dunia tapi tak ada kuasa nak ikat dia. Well, kalau boleh mungkin aku dah tambat dia depan rumah aku dan tatap hari-hari. okay. aku gila.
        Tapi sekarang aku dah tak menunggu lagi. Mungkin Tuhan pun tahu takat mana sahaja kuat hati aku. jadi dia beri jalan penyelesaian buat aku. dan orang yang aku tunggu.
      

indah.

*       *        *         *         *         *        *         * 


Assalamualaikum.


    Actually its a short story I promised that I would write on behalf of kak ain and yeop. I have known these two people for quite sometimes and I enjoyed listening to their love story. One in a million. Beautifully written by The Creator. 

   Kak Ain is definitely the right girl for Yeop and Yeop is what Kak Ain forever longed for. Haha! But these two lovebirds are crazy I tell you (thats why they deserves each other. lol) 

   I didn't got the chance to attend their wedding but my prayers are always with them. May Allah bless these two beautiful person and may their marriage brings thousands of barakah.

to Kak Ain and Yeop.

    I wish you all of the happiness in the world. Please please please stay as crazy as you guys always have. May this marriage be your happily-ever-after. InshaAllah. 


with love,
Aina Mickey 

Monday, March 24, 2014

sakit

Assalamualaikum.


"Tidaklah seorang muslim menderita sakit kerana suatu penyakit melainkan Allah menggugurkan kesalahan-kesalahannya dengan penyakit itu, sebagaimana pohon yang menggugurkan daun-daunnya". (HR Bukhari, Muslim)


ceritanya. Aku demam dah minggu lepas. MC 2 hari. dan semalam aku demam lagi versi kedua. kali ini lebih sakit sebab aku demam masa dateline. banyak lagi story belum hantar. Ya Allah, mudahkanlah segalanya.

Monday, March 17, 2014

When Love Arrives

Assalamualaikum.




And turns out, Love SHITs. And Love Cries

Love is not who you were expecting, love is not what you can predict 


" Maybe Love is not ready for you. Maybe You are not ready for love" 



Love arrives exactly when love supposed to. and Love leaves when Love must. 
'Thank you, for stopping by'




Friday, March 14, 2014

rant

Assalamualaikum.

I am suprised that Cikkay still actually remember about my other blog existence. Oh those time when I update about almost everything. looking back I feel like throwing bricks to my own face. hahaha but she said that it was all part of the life experience that (might) have taught us something. a-huh she surely got her point there. 

So whats new? Nothing much. Stop talking to few people in my life. Well, idk if it is 100% my fault or what. But I guess you have to stand for whats right. No matter how hard for others to brain it. Not regretting it. NO intention to find new enemy (ies) but I guess you can't expect everybody to like you. You don't even like everybody.


Other than that, I am content. Some happiness. Some stress. Some tears. Some Friends. Some come and some sadly go. Must be a solid reason behind everything. have faith in Allah swt because He surely knows whats best. Insha-Allah. 


Salam Jumaat. Keep on praying for MH370. May Allah ease everything.

Monday, March 10, 2014

#PrayforMH370

Assalamualaikum.

No words could actually describe how I felt about the missing of MH370 Aircraft. There were hundreds of people boarding that plane. And this tragedy happened on one of my younger sibling's birthday. 8th March 2014.

How would you feel if you were left waiting for your family members who are yet to arrive. Who are yet to be found alive. Who's fate is still unknown.

every breath you take. You'll feel some sort of rope twisting around your neck. The breathing gets harder when someone says "hey, they found the aircraft floating! hey, the aircraft explodes in the air.."  Would you even care to understand? because I have seen some of that ungrateful bastards who kept on mocking the situation. Its you whom I hope to be found dead in the middle of nowhere. So sad to know such people still exist in this millennium era.

My heart goes out for all the affected family members of every passenger and crew of the aircraft. May Allah ease everything. Innalillahiwainnailaihirajiun.

Tuesday, March 4, 2014

keroncong untuk Ana

Assalamualaikum.

Harini aku nak bercerita. cerita tentang seorang daripada entah berapa ratus kawan yang aku ada. kawan yang tak adalah rapat mana. kawan yang orang kata..'biasa-biasa' sahaja.

yang aku perasan,

dia hanya bercakap apa yang perlu. dan setiap kata yang keluar daripada mulut dia tu bunyinya sungguh ikhlas dan jujur. dan dia juga sangat random orangnya. sebagai contoh, pernah satu hari (yang mana masa itu aku memang sangat stress dan berkemungkinan membunuh sesiapa sahaja yang lalu di depan aku) dia lalu dan berhenti di meja aku

"Aina, can I ask you something, Why do you look so sad?"
Yes. selalunya dia memang speaking London sama aku. dengan orang lain elok pulak dia cakap bahasa Melayu. 

tepat pada waktu. atau salah waktu. entah. aku pun taktahu. aku nafikanlah tuduhan dia of course. sebab aku tak tunjuk pun cuma aku kurang bercakap. jadi aku tanya. kenapa dia cakap macam tu?

" Because I dreamt of you. And you looked so sad but I didn't got the chance to ask why. in that dream"
terus aku rasa budak ni bela hantu. Haha I kid I kid. yes. serandom itulah dirinya. dan dia ada banyak ciri-ciri muslimah yang aku suka. berilmu tapi tak berlagak dengan ilmu. sangat sederhana. cara bercakapnya. cara ketawa. cara makan. cara berbelanja. Tak memandang dan tak dipandang. sempoi.

Aku selalu perhatikan dia. Lepas Imam habis baca doa untuk solat jemaah. lepas habis semua bersalam. dia akan duduk balik atas sejadah. Lama. Diam. dan menangis. pernah juga aku tanya kenapa nangis ni ada masalah apa-apa ke?

jawapannya mudah. "Saya memang Emo kalau berdoa ni Aina, biasalah, orang banyak dosa"

PANGGGG *efek pelempang guna kaki di muka* yang kita ni panas bontot. sekejap sahaja berdoa. itu pun dalam kepala siap siap susun apa nak buat lepas solat.

Allah. hinanya aku.

Semoga Allah swt masih punya cinta dan kasih untuk bantu aku dan kau (sesiapa yang mungkin terbaca) mencari jalan menuju redhaNya. InshaAllah.


Monday, February 24, 2014

love story

Assalamualaikum.

Well, I guess it is true after all. I wouldn't really pour all the shits here if I am in a happy mood. I have seen some love stories. In real life and in the movies. Some makes me feels the jealousy of not having one. Some makes me thank God repeatedly for not having to deal with those shithead. lulz

And why the hell did I write about this? No idea trust me. because its 24th of February and I am in that time of the month where I got stressed over small things. (read: DATELINE)

Hands on the keybored now ( I sengaja eja keybored because I am so bored. geddit? geddit? Ahhhh wutevurrr)

Tuesday, February 18, 2014

sorry

Assalamualaikum.

Sometimes, I hate everything about me. Its hard when you kept on stumbling down when you tried so hard not to. And I hate myself for not being able to stand on my own two feet. I hate myself for being a coward. I hate myself for being alone. I hate myself for not being attractive. I hate myself for being fat. I hate myself for not having much friends that I can rely on. I hate myself for being a friend that no one could really rely on. I hate myself for being that ungrateful bitch. I hate myself. I really really hate myself.

Sorry self. I know how much you have tried. I know. HE knows too. Sorry for not being grateful. Sorry.

Shit. I really feel like crying now.

Monday, February 17, 2014

things to do

Assalamualaikum.

Because I kept forgetting what I should buy/do/avoid.

1- Get a voice recorder.
2- Buy baby's stuff. for Ansari's little girl
3-Shop for new square tudung. What I have now is too sheer/short.
4- Shawl to match my dress for Uya's Wedding.
5- Lose some weight (please please)


I think I have some more but I don't remember them. later maybe. 

Friday, February 14, 2014

big world.

Assalamualaikum.

I'm a big big girl
In a big big world
It's not a big big thing if you leave me
But I do do feel that
I do do will miss you much
Miss you much...

I can see the first leaf falling
It's all yellow and nice
It's so very cold outside
Like the way I'm feeling inside

I'm a big big girl
In a big big world
It's not a big big thing if you leave me
But I do do feel that
I do do will miss you much
Miss you much...

Outside it's now raining
And tears are falling from my eyes
Why did it have to happen
Why did it all have to end

I'm a big big girl
In a big big world
It's not a big big thing if you leave me
But I do do feel that
I do do will miss you much
Miss you much...

I have your arms around me ooooh like fire
But when I open my eyes
You're gone...

I'm a big big girl
In a big big world
It's not a big big thing if you leave me
But I do do feel that
I do do will miss you much

Miss you much...

I'm a big big girl
In a big big world
It's not a big big thing if you leave me
But I do feel I will miss you much

Miss you much...


Sebab orang itu update guna lirik lagu. I feel like doing it too. playing on repeat. I'm a big big girl. (literally). used to sing this song when I was younger. and smaller. Happy birthday in advance Farra! Love you to bits. To Mommy bear, May Allah ease everything. May my little girl come in healthy and chubby. much love.

Saturday, February 1, 2014

I dont know.

Assalamualaikum.

Saturday afternoon and now I am lying in my bed with teddy as my pillow. I don't know if anyone reads anyone's blog anymore. but I do. because  I don't know. I feel that I am closer to them by reading what they wrote.And no one really updates their blog right now. maybe because Its a hell lot easier to just post pictures on instagram or say whatever they wanted to say by tweeting it.

*inhales deep breath*

seeing school friends getting married ( did not attend because was not invited. if i do, I'll just give lame excuses -___-) scares the hell outta me because. weh I am 25 weh. this is how peer pressure felt. now I know okokok.

and yeah. I realize my PR skill sucks. because I don't really keep in touch with school friends and whatnot. No point of posting this entry but I sure will because sheeshh I am so stressed.


for no solid reason.blame the hormone. need some chocolate. and ice-cream. and drugs. and a gun. bye

Monday, January 27, 2014

new baby

Assalamualaikum.

So.. how do I put this into words.

It all started like this. A friend of mine uploaded picture of her new lipstick. I was tempted to try so I thought 'hey, I could use one right now'. Too lazy to drive the car to Watsons. I asked Babah to drive us. (of course he didn't know the main reason we go to the mall is for me to buy new lipstick) and at last I did not buy any lipstick because there were no tester and I don't want to waste my money over something that I could not try first. What if I don't like the colour? What if the colour makes me look like a giant orange tree? Right?

And yeah. Walked out from the mall with an empty stomach. We were walking to the foodstall when Babah suddenly stops at one shop. He said he wanted to buy Mama new handphone. And I was like. Oh yeah, why not.

And lying in the clear glass is my beautiful baby. I looked at her and say.. wait for me baby, I am saving every penny for you! Long story short. Babah bought all four of us (my sisters, mom and I) new handphone yay!

And mine is what I have forever longed for!

I still could not believe my eyes. the handphone is mine. finally mine. Ya ALLAH!  SYUKUR!


Thursday, January 23, 2014

kasut

Assalamualaikum.

yesterday when I picked up my baby sis from work. she told me something. (she is now working in a shoe shop in Semenyih while waiting for her SPM result)

And she told me about one guy who came in searching for black shoes. He looked terribly poor. His pants is shorter than he is. He wears oversize shirt. As if  those pants and shirts are not his. maybe he received it from someone else. who knows.

thing is. he is trying so hard to find a pair of black shoes for the cheapest price. but his feet is quite big. size 44. and there are no shoes for his size that are cheap.

my Sis told me on how she tried so hard to find something that would fits him and she rummaged the store and suddenly felt so mad because there was no shoes that fits his size! kalau ada pun yang mahal je.

At last she managed to find a black rubber shoes but one size smaller which is size 43. that guy puts that on and Alhamdulillah it fits! my sis told him repeatedly that don't buy that shoes if its too tight. but the guy says its okay. and then he looked at the price ''RM15.90"

He asked for a discount which my Sis said yes. the last price she gave him was rm13. That guy thanked her repeatedly. his face shines.

at the counter. after doing a lot of thinking ( I guess). My sis told that guy,

"takpalah, awak bayar RM10 je''

which he replied

"takpe ke ni kak, nanti you kena marah macam mana?"

"takpe. bayar rm10 je. saya boss kat sini hehe"

she tried to make a joke when the truth is  she wanted to cry so bad.

His face is filled with emotions. My sis was holding back tears. He is too. After he paid for the shoes, my sis told him the last words

"kalau tak muat kasut tu, you datang je tau. saya kerja hari-hari. datang tukar yang lain ya!"

which he replied with

"terima kasih kak, terima kasih kak, terima kasih kak"

he wiped his tears as he walked out from the shop. My sister's eyes is filled with tears too. tears of humanity I guess. 

my Sis told me that she would have paid for that shoes for him but she didn't bring her wallet to work and she felt disappointed  with herself.  but I am so proud of her.

I am not telling this because I want to brag about my sister being kind, I mean I think everyone would do the same right? but just as a reminder that there are others who fights to live their lives everyday. Be very thankful for what you have. For Allah might take it from you someday.






Monday, January 20, 2014

Feel better

Assalamualaikum.

      


I've been listening to this song repeatedly since I arrived to the office. 2 weeks off from all the workloads makes me forget I'm a reporter. (can we just go back to the hotel and attend those boring classes please.) 


She said I feel stranded, And I can't tell anymore, If I'm coming or I'm going, It's not how I planned it I've got a key to the door. But it just won't open and I know, I know, I know Part of me says let it go That life happens for a reason I don't, I don't, I don't Because it never worked before But this time, this time
I'm gonna try anything to just feel better Tell me what to do.You know I can't see through the haze around me and I do anything to just feel better. And I can't find my way girl I need a change and I do anything to just feel better any little thing that just feel better She said I need you to hold me I'm a little far from the shore And I'm afraid of sinking You're the only one who knows me And who doesn't ignore That my soul is weeping I know, I know, I know Part of me says let it go Everything must have a season Round and round it goes And every day's the one before But this time, this time I'm gonna try anything that just feels better Tell me what to doYou know I can't see through the haze around meAnd I do anything to just feel better I can't find my way God I need a changeAnd I'd do anything to just feel better Any little thing that just feel better
I'm tired of holding onTo all the things I ought to leave behind, yeahIt's really getting old, and I think I need a little help this time!
 

pretty much how I once felt inside. Happy Monday everyone. long day aheads. yahh-yahh!


Friday, January 17, 2014

you

Assalamualaikum.


You know, sometimes Allah swt sends you someone just to cheer you up, share some laugh, stories and maybe, to teach you a lesson. I have met an amazingly weird person. jap. okaylah. not weird, unique in a weird way person.

It wasn't everyday occasion where you can meet someone and just like that you began to tease each other (okaylah. I tease her a lot. -.-) and whatnot. I admit it the first time I saw her my heart goes "oh no, not this girl, no please no" haha. So prejudice.

and in a short period of time, we started to share stories. about us, about cats, about families, and stuff.

Not like any other girls, she's a little bit different. she does not wear fancy dress, no make up, no handbags, just few boxers, jeans, shirts and there she goes.

She let me win in every argument that we had (maybe because I just won't stop. A-huh, no I won't.), and I am amazed on how she could put up with so much shit coming out from my mouth.

It was scary at first. I had bad thoughts, but I just shooo it away, because deep down inside, I can feel the other side of this girl. the soft side. the side that she refuse to show.

everybody's fighting their own battle. and I know she is too. I can see that inside her eyes. and maybe, She is  trying to find her way home. which I pray to Allah swt everyday. please show her the way.  

to you,

I won't judge you for whatever things that you have done. for you to opened up to me have been the most amazing thing. Made me realize, that there are people who are struggling more than I do. You are a good daughter, a lovely friend, and a very beautiful lady at heart. this is not me trying to nag you or whatnot. This is a something a friend  (don't know if I could address myself as your friend yet) thoughts of you. Seriously, I wish you could see yourself from my point of view. Be safe wherever you are. May HIS blessings always be with you. I am beyond grateful to have gotten the chance to know you.

you might not want to be my friend after you read this. but this is the words that flows from my heart. Especially for you. NAS.


you.

Tuesday, January 14, 2014

Cinta

Petang itu sunyi. sama sunyi seperti hatinya. kosong. dia buang pandang ke depan. masih kosong. dia cuba memecah sunyi dengan menyanyi. cuba menggembirakan hati sendiri. tapi masih hatinya rasa kosong.

kenapa? itu soalan yang paling kerap dia tanyakan. kenapa dia. kenapa bukan orang lain. kenapa ujiannya berbeza. kenapa itu kenapa ini. kenapa!!

tiba-tiba.. (seperti babak yang selalunya berlaku dalam filem-filem Melayu) matanya tertancap pada satu susuk tubuh yang sedang sibuk mengorek sisa-sisa daripada tong sampah yang kotor. ugh! jijik!

" Kau jijik dengan aku. sama macam orang lain jijik pada kau. jadi, kau rasa apa bezanya aku dengan kau?" Si pengemis bersuara.

"Ah! kau jangan samakan aku dengan kau! kita tak sama! langsung!"

" Betul. bezanya kita, aku cuba cari jalan ke arah Tuhanku. dan kemana arah kamu?"

Si pengemis berlari riang selepas berjaya menjumpai sisa seketul ayam yang dibuang dalam tong sampah.

" SYUKUR YA ALLAH, ATAS REZEKI YANG KAU BERIKAN BUATKU. SYUKUR YA ALLAH, JADIKAN AKU HAMBAMU YANG BERSYUKUR. SYUKURRR" laung si pengemis. mukanya bersinar semacam baru sahaja menang hadiah rm3juta.

dan semudah itu, dia rasa ditampar. perit.

paket jernih dalam genggaman tangan direnung. dilemparkan sejauh mungkin. Tuhan, bantu aku cari jalan menuju KAMU.


Sunday, January 12, 2014

tantaraaaaaa

Assalamualaikum.


I want to tell about the course that I am attending and what not. But I decided to just wait for it to end first before I started babbling about anything.Anyway, I am in Malacca right now. It is part of the course. and the hotel is amazingly beautiful. Got FREE internet access in the room too. one of the best thing in the world. weeee

I am suppose to finish this entry yesterday but I didn't. and now I have lost memory of what I really want to write. *nangis* going back to Kuala Lumpur tomorrow and gosh I miss my family so much. and my bed. and my cat. semua lah rindu cerita dia. cepatlah hari Khamis!

oh ya, Ansari's baby is going to be a girlllllllllllllllllll. okay kakak over excited. and yeah, now I am listening to a lecture by a jijimon. dan tadi dah memalukan diri sekali lagi. oh why am I so awesome. -____-

Tuesday, January 7, 2014

12 days

Assalamualaikum.

I am having a break here in the Malaysian Press Institute. (yes I am attending a 12 days course seronok gila tak payah buat kerja. lololololl) anyhow, I met new friends. Shakina, Thara, Huda, Husna, (hi guys!) and many mores but hey do I really need to write their name here?

so emm ughh yeah hi howla. Actually I really dont know what to write but I decided just to kacau Thara's peace by borrowing her laptop. because she is very busy with her work. pergi kursus pun nak buat kerja. zzzzZzzzzzz

hey Thara. thank you btw. hihi. bye.

Sunday, January 5, 2014

sun

Assalamualaikum.

As I grew much older, I realize this one thing.

If your hurt somebody, intentionally or not. its you who carry the guilt. in the end, the one who hurt the most is you. not that person but you. You will wonder how that person feels at that time. and you will definitely blame yourself for being such a dick. well if you don't feel like that, you have ego issues. or you are a pig. or donkeys.or dogs. not human.

and the words " I am sorry" "I apologize" will stuck in your throat. without you being able to speak it out.

and you just have to accept the fact.

you.are.such.loser.


and carry it with you for the rest of your life.

Wednesday, January 1, 2014

pernah

Assalamualaikum.

There was this one time when I really put my trust towards someone. I opened up to that person. It really makes me feel hell lot better but that person broke my trust and there I was. bruise and battered. broken into  pieces. well actually this thing happened a long long time ago but when I think about it my heart still ache. is it grudge that I'm holding on to?
 
I don't know for sure. I have no idea why I typed this in the first place. I hope to clear all the grudges. I really want to forgive if I could. but how could you forgive someone who hurt you so bad?