Monday, January 27, 2014

new baby


So.. how do I put this into words.

It all started like this. A friend of mine uploaded picture of her new lipstick. I was tempted to try so I thought 'hey, I could use one right now'. Too lazy to drive the car to Watsons. I asked Babah to drive us. (of course he didn't know the main reason we go to the mall is for me to buy new lipstick) and at last I did not buy any lipstick because there were no tester and I don't want to waste my money over something that I could not try first. What if I don't like the colour? What if the colour makes me look like a giant orange tree? Right?

And yeah. Walked out from the mall with an empty stomach. We were walking to the foodstall when Babah suddenly stops at one shop. He said he wanted to buy Mama new handphone. And I was like. Oh yeah, why not.

And lying in the clear glass is my beautiful baby. I looked at her and say.. wait for me baby, I am saving every penny for you! Long story short. Babah bought all four of us (my sisters, mom and I) new handphone yay!

And mine is what I have forever longed for!

I still could not believe my eyes. the handphone is mine. finally mine. Ya ALLAH!  SYUKUR!

Thursday, January 23, 2014



yesterday when I picked up my baby sis from work. she told me something. (she is now working in a shoe shop in Semenyih while waiting for her SPM result)

And she told me about one guy who came in searching for black shoes. He looked terribly poor. His pants is shorter than he is. He wears oversize shirt. As if  those pants and shirts are not his. maybe he received it from someone else. who knows.

thing is. he is trying so hard to find a pair of black shoes for the cheapest price. but his feet is quite big. size 44. and there are no shoes for his size that are cheap.

my Sis told me on how she tried so hard to find something that would fits him and she rummaged the store and suddenly felt so mad because there was no shoes that fits his size! kalau ada pun yang mahal je.

At last she managed to find a black rubber shoes but one size smaller which is size 43. that guy puts that on and Alhamdulillah it fits! my sis told him repeatedly that don't buy that shoes if its too tight. but the guy says its okay. and then he looked at the price ''RM15.90"

He asked for a discount which my Sis said yes. the last price she gave him was rm13. That guy thanked her repeatedly. his face shines.

at the counter. after doing a lot of thinking ( I guess). My sis told that guy,

"takpalah, awak bayar RM10 je''

which he replied

"takpe ke ni kak, nanti you kena marah macam mana?"

"takpe. bayar rm10 je. saya boss kat sini hehe"

she tried to make a joke when the truth is  she wanted to cry so bad.

His face is filled with emotions. My sis was holding back tears. He is too. After he paid for the shoes, my sis told him the last words

"kalau tak muat kasut tu, you datang je tau. saya kerja hari-hari. datang tukar yang lain ya!"

which he replied with

"terima kasih kak, terima kasih kak, terima kasih kak"

he wiped his tears as he walked out from the shop. My sister's eyes is filled with tears too. tears of humanity I guess. 

my Sis told me that she would have paid for that shoes for him but she didn't bring her wallet to work and she felt disappointed  with herself.  but I am so proud of her.

I am not telling this because I want to brag about my sister being kind, I mean I think everyone would do the same right? but just as a reminder that there are others who fights to live their lives everyday. Be very thankful for what you have. For Allah might take it from you someday.

Monday, January 20, 2014

Feel better



I've been listening to this song repeatedly since I arrived to the office. 2 weeks off from all the workloads makes me forget I'm a reporter. (can we just go back to the hotel and attend those boring classes please.) 

She said I feel stranded, And I can't tell anymore, If I'm coming or I'm going, It's not how I planned it I've got a key to the door. But it just won't open and I know, I know, I know Part of me says let it go That life happens for a reason I don't, I don't, I don't Because it never worked before But this time, this time
I'm gonna try anything to just feel better Tell me what to do.You know I can't see through the haze around me and I do anything to just feel better. And I can't find my way girl I need a change and I do anything to just feel better any little thing that just feel better She said I need you to hold me I'm a little far from the shore And I'm afraid of sinking You're the only one who knows me And who doesn't ignore That my soul is weeping I know, I know, I know Part of me says let it go Everything must have a season Round and round it goes And every day's the one before But this time, this time I'm gonna try anything that just feels better Tell me what to doYou know I can't see through the haze around meAnd I do anything to just feel better I can't find my way God I need a changeAnd I'd do anything to just feel better Any little thing that just feel better
I'm tired of holding onTo all the things I ought to leave behind, yeahIt's really getting old, and I think I need a little help this time!

pretty much how I once felt inside. Happy Monday everyone. long day aheads. yahh-yahh!

Friday, January 17, 2014



You know, sometimes Allah swt sends you someone just to cheer you up, share some laugh, stories and maybe, to teach you a lesson. I have met an amazingly weird person. jap. okaylah. not weird, unique in a weird way person.

It wasn't everyday occasion where you can meet someone and just like that you began to tease each other (okaylah. I tease her a lot. -.-) and whatnot. I admit it the first time I saw her my heart goes "oh no, not this girl, no please no" haha. So prejudice.

and in a short period of time, we started to share stories. about us, about cats, about families, and stuff.

Not like any other girls, she's a little bit different. she does not wear fancy dress, no make up, no handbags, just few boxers, jeans, shirts and there she goes.

She let me win in every argument that we had (maybe because I just won't stop. A-huh, no I won't.), and I am amazed on how she could put up with so much shit coming out from my mouth.

It was scary at first. I had bad thoughts, but I just shooo it away, because deep down inside, I can feel the other side of this girl. the soft side. the side that she refuse to show.

everybody's fighting their own battle. and I know she is too. I can see that inside her eyes. and maybe, She is  trying to find her way home. which I pray to Allah swt everyday. please show her the way.  

to you,

I won't judge you for whatever things that you have done. for you to opened up to me have been the most amazing thing. Made me realize, that there are people who are struggling more than I do. You are a good daughter, a lovely friend, and a very beautiful lady at heart. this is not me trying to nag you or whatnot. This is a something a friend  (don't know if I could address myself as your friend yet) thoughts of you. Seriously, I wish you could see yourself from my point of view. Be safe wherever you are. May HIS blessings always be with you. I am beyond grateful to have gotten the chance to know you.

you might not want to be my friend after you read this. but this is the words that flows from my heart. Especially for you. NAS.


Tuesday, January 14, 2014


Petang itu sunyi. sama sunyi seperti hatinya. kosong. dia buang pandang ke depan. masih kosong. dia cuba memecah sunyi dengan menyanyi. cuba menggembirakan hati sendiri. tapi masih hatinya rasa kosong.

kenapa? itu soalan yang paling kerap dia tanyakan. kenapa dia. kenapa bukan orang lain. kenapa ujiannya berbeza. kenapa itu kenapa ini. kenapa!!

tiba-tiba.. (seperti babak yang selalunya berlaku dalam filem-filem Melayu) matanya tertancap pada satu susuk tubuh yang sedang sibuk mengorek sisa-sisa daripada tong sampah yang kotor. ugh! jijik!

" Kau jijik dengan aku. sama macam orang lain jijik pada kau. jadi, kau rasa apa bezanya aku dengan kau?" Si pengemis bersuara.

"Ah! kau jangan samakan aku dengan kau! kita tak sama! langsung!"

" Betul. bezanya kita, aku cuba cari jalan ke arah Tuhanku. dan kemana arah kamu?"

Si pengemis berlari riang selepas berjaya menjumpai sisa seketul ayam yang dibuang dalam tong sampah.

" SYUKUR YA ALLAH, ATAS REZEKI YANG KAU BERIKAN BUATKU. SYUKUR YA ALLAH, JADIKAN AKU HAMBAMU YANG BERSYUKUR. SYUKURRR" laung si pengemis. mukanya bersinar semacam baru sahaja menang hadiah rm3juta.

dan semudah itu, dia rasa ditampar. perit.

paket jernih dalam genggaman tangan direnung. dilemparkan sejauh mungkin. Tuhan, bantu aku cari jalan menuju KAMU.

Sunday, January 12, 2014



I want to tell about the course that I am attending and what not. But I decided to just wait for it to end first before I started babbling about anything.Anyway, I am in Malacca right now. It is part of the course. and the hotel is amazingly beautiful. Got FREE internet access in the room too. one of the best thing in the world. weeee

I am suppose to finish this entry yesterday but I didn't. and now I have lost memory of what I really want to write. *nangis* going back to Kuala Lumpur tomorrow and gosh I miss my family so much. and my bed. and my cat. semua lah rindu cerita dia. cepatlah hari Khamis!

oh ya, Ansari's baby is going to be a girlllllllllllllllllll. okay kakak over excited. and yeah, now I am listening to a lecture by a jijimon. dan tadi dah memalukan diri sekali lagi. oh why am I so awesome. -____-

Tuesday, January 7, 2014

12 days


I am having a break here in the Malaysian Press Institute. (yes I am attending a 12 days course seronok gila tak payah buat kerja. lololololl) anyhow, I met new friends. Shakina, Thara, Huda, Husna, (hi guys!) and many mores but hey do I really need to write their name here?

so emm ughh yeah hi howla. Actually I really dont know what to write but I decided just to kacau Thara's peace by borrowing her laptop. because she is very busy with her work. pergi kursus pun nak buat kerja. zzzzZzzzzzz

hey Thara. thank you btw. hihi. bye.

Sunday, January 5, 2014



As I grew much older, I realize this one thing.

If your hurt somebody, intentionally or not. its you who carry the guilt. in the end, the one who hurt the most is you. not that person but you. You will wonder how that person feels at that time. and you will definitely blame yourself for being such a dick. well if you don't feel like that, you have ego issues. or you are a pig. or donkeys.or dogs. not human.

and the words " I am sorry" "I apologize" will stuck in your throat. without you being able to speak it out.

and you just have to accept the fact.


and carry it with you for the rest of your life.

Wednesday, January 1, 2014



There was this one time when I really put my trust towards someone. I opened up to that person. It really makes me feel hell lot better but that person broke my trust and there I was. bruise and battered. broken into  pieces. well actually this thing happened a long long time ago but when I think about it my heart still ache. is it grudge that I'm holding on to?
I don't know for sure. I have no idea why I typed this in the first place. I hope to clear all the grudges. I really want to forgive if I could. but how could you forgive someone who hurt you so bad?