Friday, August 18, 2017

brainfarts

Assalamualaikum.

I remembered one day my dad told us, how his siblings used to be. they were very closed. well, of course they fight, and hate each other at times, love them at other. blood is thicker than water huh. but now, they did not talk to each other for a very long time. they fought (and still fight) about late grandparents inheritance. its a very loooooooong story and I only know one part of the story (my dad). I mean to be fair, I need to know whats on the other sides kan barulah boleh sembang.

So thing is, all of my siblings were grown up by now. my brother is 33, me myself 28, sisters at 23, and 22.

As we grow up, I could see that each one of us have our own thoughts and what we stand for. we have become somehow more selfish, more arrogant, more ignorant, more and more about 'ME' instead of 'US' . I have a lot of dissatisfaction towards them and I KNOW FOR SURE, that they have the same thoughts of me too.

And I can see, we might somehow ended up where my dad is. Not talking to each other anymore. But I pray with all of my heart, if anything happens, if we ever fight and stop talking to each other in the future, I hope that we will never fight over harta or money.

For the first time in forever, I could not wait to get married, to move away from the family. and that is not easy too. I'm struggling to save some money for the kenduri, but each month I dont have any choice but to take that money and pay for the necessities. And it left me with none.

at this age, I dont want any fancy weddings, just me, him, the families and some close friends. thats more than enough.

wow apeni merapunya. Because I have loads in mind. so I need to let it out. you know, girl with anxiety. and I know nobodys reading.

oklah need to go pooping.


Tuesday, April 25, 2017

hello yellow

Assalamualaikum.

That title, just because it ryhmes. hehe

I think I need to start writing again. I dont have any memories about what had happened in my life because I did not jot it down. So here I am, trying to make writing in this blog, a routine again.

I said 'I'll try" okay? not today. hehe bye




Friday, January 6, 2017

6/365

Assalamualaikum.


Sebab haritu aku tak edit pun post dan sums up keseluruhan tahun 2016 aku. biarlah aku mula dengan tahun baru. Sedikit ujian di awal tahun, Ojen. kucing yang aku bela dah 6 tahun, hilang kena curi. Satu keluarga meoroyan dua tiga hari. Masih bersedih sampai sekarang sebab sayang. Semoga yang ambil tu sayang dia sesayangnya kami pada dia.

New year resolutions. I really dont believe that shit tapi adalah sikit-sikit angan yang aku sempat pasang tahun ini. Semoga tahun ini, mampu hafal lebih banyak surah-surah pendek buat bacaan dalam sembahyang. Nak khatam Al-Quran 2 kali, lebihkan ibadah. lebihkan senyum. lebihkan sedekah. Bukan apa, aku rasa kita semua tak punya banyak masa untuk semua ni. Sekurang-kurangnya kalau 'dijemput' nanti adalah 'bekal' buat masa lapar.

Masih belum ada sinar nak berdua atau bertiga atau berberapa-berapa. haha. Semoga tahun ini dimurahkan rezeki kerja, rezeki nak berkhidmat untuk keluarga. Semoga ditetapkan hati dengan jodoh yang tepat. Yang akhir hendaknya. Semoga diteguhkan hati kami dengan rasa 'sayang' ini  kerana Tuhan.

Semoga insan-insan yang aku sayang semuanya dilimpahkan kurnia yang indah daripada Tuhan. Semoga yang menanti cahayamata, dikurniakan yang soleh-soleh semuanya. Yang menanti jodoh, dipercepatkan dan dipermudahkan urusan, yang mencari kerja, diberikan rezeki melimpah luah, yang mencari jalan menuju Tuhan, dibukakan jalan seluas-luasnya.

Semoga adik-adik aku cemerlang pelajaran, cemerlang kesihatan, cermerlang dan bertambah iman. semoga mama babah masih sihat tanpa sebarang sakit kronik.

Kalaupun ada ujian melanda, semoga dengan ujian itu, menambah iman dalam hati, meneguhkan diri dengan agama. menjadikan kita lebih kuat daripada sebelumnya.

Semoga, segala yang indah-indah ditakdirkan laluannya dalam hidup aku, dan mereka-mereka yang aku sayang.

Semoga kita sentiasa, bersyukur dengan nikmat Allah. Amin.



(boleh tahan serius juga aku sekarang, hehe)