Saturday, August 26, 2017

My wan


This day, a year ago, I know a guy from a media trip I attended. He was shy, and I was not. He was all cool and Im that clumsy loud girl (i think im so annoying) But we really clicked. He, me and my bestfriend. 

He wasnt part of my plan. After my heartbreak, all i wanted to do was, buy a house, enjoy my single life until my last breath. But he came. After a few month, he said he likes me. And I wasnt sure of what I felt at that time but I dont know, I just decided to give it a try. And he stays. Loving a unloveable girl was not easy. I always questioned everything he did. But he never once stepped back eventhough I was being so difiicult and I pushed him away for so so so many times. 

Today mark 1 year since we know each other. He have done so many things for me. I can say for sure now that I clearly fell in love with his kind heart, his selfless act, and many many more reasons that I could not express with words. 

Please Allah, let him be the 'wan' 

Friday, August 18, 2017



I remembered one day my dad told us, how his siblings used to be. they were very closed. well, of course they fight, and hate each other at times, love them at other. blood is thicker than water huh. but now, they did not talk to each other for a very long time. they fought (and still fight) about late grandparents inheritance. its a very loooooooong story and I only know one part of the story (my dad). I mean to be fair, I need to know whats on the other sides kan barulah boleh sembang.

So thing is, all of my siblings were grown up by now. my brother is 33, me myself 28, sisters at 23, and 22.

As we grow up, I could see that each one of us have our own thoughts and what we stand for. we have become somehow more selfish, more arrogant, more ignorant, more and more about 'ME' instead of 'US' . I have a lot of dissatisfaction towards them and I KNOW FOR SURE, that they have the same thoughts of me too.

And I can see, we might somehow ended up where my dad is. Not talking to each other anymore. But I pray with all of my heart, if anything happens, if we ever fight and stop talking to each other in the future, I hope that we will never fight over harta or money.

For the first time in forever, I could not wait to get married, to move away from the family. and that is not easy too. I'm struggling to save some money for the kenduri, but each month I dont have any choice but to take that money and pay for the necessities. And it left me with none.

at this age, I dont want any fancy weddings, just me, him, the families and some close friends. thats more than enough.

wow apeni merapunya. Because I have loads in mind. so I need to let it out. you know, girl with anxiety. and I know nobodys reading.

oklah need to go pooping.