Pre-ramadhan post.

Assalamualaikum. 

Ive been planning to write about many things. But I got lazy, I have no idea how to start, the internet connection sucks and blablablabla. 

Let me just sums up everything. Just for me to remember. 

I had a major operation ; removing ovarian cyst on last 28th April. That was the first time ever I've been warded in the hospital. Went through confinement like a boss. (Air halia+kunyit, pati ikan haruan +gamat and lots of slow walking in kain batik with my hair tied up,sexy I know)

Lost few kilos, stay at home for 21days seronok gilasss nyah! And back to mountains of workloads *cries*

Bought same colour but different pattern baju kurungs for everybody. Tetiba makma punya warna kelabu demmit instagram photo! So jalan penyelesaian, babah will wear gray baju Melayu with blue samping. Mama will wear gray baju kurung with blue tudung. And the three of us will wear blue baju kurung with gray scarf. Fuh settle. 

I swear I have so many things to tell just now sekarang tiba2 hilang. Yissss. 

Anyway, selamat berpuasa. Selamat menahan nafsu. Selamat mengumpul pahala. Semoga berat badan berkurang, dosa pun berganda2 berkurang. Insha-Allah. 

25th March 2016

Assalamualaikum.


It was a sunny Friday morning. I woke up for my Subuh prayer, get ready to go to work, only to realize, I left my bag (purse,money, house keys, and handphones are in it) at house. It was a tough decision whether or not I should go back and take them. Office to my house would take around 20 mins, I rode my motorcycle and it was getting pretty hot at that time. But I need money to eat, and to isi minyak. So with so much frustation, I head back home.

I dont feel good that day. Like something is terribly wrong. But I just keep it to myself and recite some prayer. I arrived at home, took my bag and leave to work again. I was really tired at that time. Once I entered my office, I sat down and switch on my computer. My phone rang, It was Cikha (my aunt), I pick up the call and she told me..

"Aina, Hafiz dah tak ada. Baru meninggal kejap tadi"

After Friday prayer, off we went to Kuala Selangor, to Hafiz's final resting. I wasn't that sad at the time. The night before, I went to HKL to see him. He was in comma, so we kinda know this thing would happen now or later. So I think I am strong. NOT

We arrived at surau IPD Kuala Selangor, there was Mak Lang (Hafiz's Mom). I saw her and I burst into tears.

We don't want him dead, but we don't want to see him suffer as well. seeing him with all sorts of tubes and medication stuck on his body, is not what anyone would want to see, really.

He is now in better place. He doesn't feel anymore pain. I will remember only the good in you Hafiz. I hope you rest in peace. I hope Allah swt grant mercy on your soul. Insha Allah

Hafiz, 20 March 1992-25 March 2016. Selamat berehat, Hafiz.

tentang mati

Assalamualaikum.

Wow this is totally awkward.

Bila bicara tentang pengakhiran pada sebuah kehidupan. Sejauh manalah kita boleh readykan diri? Siapa boleh tahu kalau hari ini akan jadi hari terakhir mereka minum kopi, makan nasi, lihat muka mak, main dengan kucing dan semua perkara kecil yang kita take for granted. Siapa tahu?

Kita beribadat setiap hari, penuh dengan doa semoga segala amal diterima. Semoga yang dekat dengan kita di ampunkan dosa, diberikan balasan syurga. Sejauh mana kita bersedia untuk setiap daripadanya di ambil tanpa sebarang tanda. tanpa sebarang warning signs. tanpa. apa. kata.

Hari ini, kita tengok kawan kita senyum. entah esok entah lusa, kita hanya dapat lihat sekujur badan terbaring kaku. menanti detik dikembalikan ke persemadian terakhir. atau, mungkin mereka yang lihat kita dalam keadaan begitu. Wallahu a'lam.

Di sini, kita kena renungkan kembali lafaz ;  

إِنَّا للهِ وَإِنَّـا إِلَيْهِ رَاجِعونَ

Sesungguhnya kami adalah milik Allah, dan kepada-Nya lah kami kembali 

Semalam, salah seorang sahabat aku dapat perkhabaran drp kampung. Adik dia meninggal lemas di sungai bersama dengan dua orang sepupu yang lain. 

Aku harap dia kuat. 

eh sudahlah aku ni makin tak reti pulak menulis. till then, 

can-cer.

Assalamualaikum.


I don't plan on writing about this .. But, just in case things doesn't work out like what all of us wanted it to be, here's something nice that I would like to remember and never to forget.

It was Sunday afternoon, when my sisters and I decided to go and visit our cousin, Hafiz, who is diagnosed with prostate cancer stage four.

It has been so long since we ever talked to each other. tak adalah rapat mana dengan dia. But that day, we talked a lot. I joked around about many things. such as, I would come again with bucket of veggies because he need to watch his diet and no more fast food or unhealthy food.

he said "Akak makin cantik la sekarang, bila nak kahwin" he kept on saying the same thing over and over again. when it was time for me to leave. I told him I would come and visit him again. I asked him to be strong so that he can be my 'pengapit' when I get married.

On Tuesday, we received a call saying that he was seriously ill. I came. And there he was. Laying in his bed unable to say anything. He mustve so many things to say but he just couldnt.

I again told him to stay strong. I wanted him to be there on my wedding.

and now. He is still fighting the cancer cell. I only hope for the best. If its time for him to go, please make it easy for him O Allah. If he could stay, let him have all the strength in the world to fight his illness.

btw, Its Can-Cer. Can Survive. Jia You Hafiz!

Worth writing

Assalamualaikum.

I am now incharge for the new unit. Novel unit to be exact. So, today. I met one of the writers that I am working with. We've been contacting each other through sms(s) and call(s) (he did not have whatsapp so I dont really know how he looks like) but I have never really meet him in person. So today is the day. 

He is. Handsome. Not that-adam-levine-handsome but he is somehow goodlooking. His clothes are neat and tidy. Not to mention, he is very polite. The type of man that any girl would fall in love with. 

Because he came all the way from Penang to Kuala Lumpur to sign some shitty form, I think it is not appropriate to just send him home in empty-stomach. So we went out for coffee. Something interesting happened there. 

He told me about his fiancee (my heart broke into pieces. Come on man, you could've been mine hahahaha I kid I kid) He told me that they've been together since both of them were 13. And the interesting part for me was when he started describing his fiancee

'Dia bukan jenis moden pakai jeans pakai  selendang macam Aina. Dia gadis kampung yang betul-betul kampung. Dia pakai tudung selempang tepi, dan selalu pakai satu kerongsang bunga.'  

'Dia pun tak suka minum coffee macam ni Aina, kalau keluaq makan pun dia suka pi tempat yang boleh makan sampai kenyang. Macam nasi kandaq'

I mean come on, comel gila kot! Dia sedar tunang dia suka pakai apa dan all the small things. Ish

He laughed and then he continued saying this 

'Comel betul dia tu. Kecil molek je orangnya. Soulmate saya' 

There.

Ada lagi rupanya lelaki macam ni. God! 

He is very polite. We chatted around and then I send him to the station. 

Wow. I must say, I am really impressed by his well-being, by his manners and of course by his love that he have for his late-dad, late-brother ,his family and his fiancee. 

He is something that we could not really find nowadays. The perfect end for my 2015. 

I think. He is something that worth writing for. 

Erti 7Disember tahun ini.

Assalamualaikum. 

Hari ini aku belajar dan sedar faham satu perkara. You dont need to tell them how important you are. Kalau mereka sedar, appreciate them. Tapi kalau tidak, tak apa. Mungkin masa kau dah tak bernyawa nanti baru mereka akan cerita pasal kau. (Waktu itu pun kau tak akan peduli sebab kau lagi sibuk mengenang nasib kau bila disoal munkar nankir nanti) 

Kesimpulannya. Be happy. Do what makes you happy. Appreciate life and your loved ones. Walk away from people who hurt you, or even people who puts too much negative vibes in your life. You dont need that. 

Happy 26th birthday Aliaa Aaina. Terima kasih yang Maha Esa untuk pinjaman nyawa. Dan segala nikmat kurnia yang tidak terucap dengan kata kata. Alhamdulillah syukur Ya Allah. 

Midnight ramblings

Assalamualaikum.

I tried to sleep but I couldnt. Hence, this post. 

There's a burden inside my chest. It fills all of the area and I can't really breathe. Instead of hugging my pillow like what I used to do, I hug my blanket. Really tight. But the pain is still there. And it wanders through my veins and ended up in my brain. So its kinda stuck there replaying all the scenes. Scary scenes that my brain created just to ruin my life. 

They said people who sleeps with many pillows have problems with their self esteem. I have err 4 pillows and two teddy bears in my bed. So...

Yeah.