4th

didn't really sleep last night because of izrin and Kak An, well, because we're busy twitting about random stuff which is completely ridiculous. sleep at almost two am then woke up at 3.45 to prepare sahur for the family. Yes, its the 4th day of Ramadhan and I took the responsibility to cook for sahur. my hand is failing me somehow. the skin suddenly became so sensitive to all kinds of soap. it is now itching and dry and its painful whenever i have to wash dishes. but anyhow I still have to do it.  now I know how cik kay feels like. I am extremely sleepy right now that my eyes hurts. its the 4th day of Ramadhan and I feel blessed. Im grateful to still be alive. and I know Im posting crap but Im just stealing some time so that I won't fall asleep. I need to send mama to work first before flying to dreamland. and the time is now.

pink

I think I can express my thoughts and feelings better in a place where I know nobody's reading it. I speak freely, I don't have to think about what perception readers might have and so on. definitely not here. diary perhaps?

:)

for this semester break. I have 3 things as my wishlist. Praises to Allah SWT, two of them have been achieved. which left me with one. hopefully, I would be able to achieve this too. syukur Alhamdulillah

F that

Life is bitching with me right now. I hate my job, I hate my workplace, I even hate myself for being this kind of shit. Why can't I just keep calm and do the work? because it involves money. other people's money.. I really wanted to quit, but Kak Zima beg me. I hate being a soft-hearted person. I hate being weak! I should have just slammed the door and walked out, but I didn't. I hope that paria would be dead by tonight so that I wouldn't have to see his face anymore. I hate how my periods is playing around with my emotions. I hate being alone because I would start to think about this matter and I don't even like that. I hate that I could not perform solah right now,. I hope I could kill you motherfcuker Paria!   Im hating my fragile-self

macam macam

Have loads of things in mind to buy when I got my gaji. almost forget that I got loads of debt to pay too. *sigh*
gaji tak sampai seribu pun. Far away from 1000 actually, dan ada hati nak beli barang sampai beribu? get a life Aina.

to be or not to be

Assalamualaikum wbt. yes, the exam week is coming and yes, I have been so lazy, and yes. tomorrow I'm going out. why? because I want to.

well, there is something bothering my mind right now. I know someone who's kinda my generation. umur muda lagi, married, and have children. means, more than one child. and right now, this person is behaving like someone who just gotten her period.

ambil-gambar-muncung-itik-baring-baring-upstatus-brokenhearted-behaving-like-14-years-old-girl.

I think she misses her teenage life so much. being married at young age is not a crime. I mean, it is wayyy much better than committing zina. but then, you have to be really-really really sure about your decision. you know, marriage is not about that one day when you dress-up beautifully. It is NOT about taking pictures, It is not about a grand events where you invite everyone.

It starts after that. the journey of a married couple. ini bukan lagi zaman nenek kita yang mana kahwin umur 14,15 itu perkara biasa. bukan. Im not against people who decided to get married early. tak tentang pun kahwin awal tu. tapi, sebelum kahwin tu, hendaknya, biarlah ada ilmu. biarlah bersedia mental & fizikal. kalau setakat nak seronok 2, 3 tahun. tak payah.

I pity the children. seriously, nak jadi mak/ayah macam mana kalau perangai sendiri sebaya dengan anak-anak? I seriously pity those beautiful kids that person have. haishh.

hari isnin paper etika. straight sampai hari sabtu examnya. then hari ahad masuk kerja. awesome? I know.

nyawa

last Wednesday, one of my friend from work, Isma Zaini or as we all call him, Mat, had passed away. Drowned.
just now when I had my Subuh prayer, I felt so blessed. Allah swt still gives me a chance to perform my solah, to breath the air im breathing, to apology, to eat, to see faces of my loved one, to do all the things that I am doing now. I am grateful for that. Alhamdulillah.

second from right. Isma Zaini / mat

As what your mom had told me the day I went to your house, You're such a great son, She loves you and definitely going to miss you. Rest in peace friend. May Allah bless you always. Al-Fatihah.